Makes you wonder - Part 2 : Its-hilarious

Makes you wonder - Part 2 : Its-hilarious

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?

If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?

If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers?

If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it "breakfast"?

If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? (Richard Lederer)

I think you are the father of one of my kids : Its-hilarious

I think you are the father of one of my kids : Its-hilarious

I think you are the father of one of my kids

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says: "Hello!" He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?" To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?" She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"

Reason for less marriages!!!

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That damn ice!!!

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MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK - Part 2

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, ATandT ...). If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People are always available for work in the past tense. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens thatperson is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. No one gets sick on Wednesdays. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" The longer the title, the less important the job. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

Neither logical not legal : Its-hilarious

Neither logical not legal : Its-hilarious

Neither logical nor legal

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A". Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?" Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment) , all the students immediately raise their hands. "All right" says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer. "It's quite easy, sir" says the student. "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal nor logical !!!!!!"

Wishing well : Its-hilarious

Wishing well : Its-hilarious

Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin . The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! " ================================================== You can also find us on: iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 Twitter at @jokesguy Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com ==================================================

Result of Global Recession : Its-hilarious

Result of Global Recession : Its-hilarious

Result of Global Recession

Global Recession and Financial Crisis have become so critical and serious now days that…… majority of the men have started loving their own wives!!!!!! ================================================== You can also find us on: iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 Twitter at @jokesguy Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com ==================================================

Only one person is called OMG : Its-hilarious

Only one person is called OMG : Its-hilarious

Only one person is called OMG

A Priest is called as a Father A Bishop your Grace A Cardinal, your Eminence… Even a Pope is called as, His Highness. But only a 36 – 24 – 36 in a Bikini is called as “OH MY GOD” ================================================== You can also find us on: iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 Twitter at @jokesguy Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com ==================================================

Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

Rejection of a rejection letter

Herbert Millington Chair - Search Committee, Whitson University, College Hill, MA Dear Professor Millington, Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then. All the best for rejecting the future applicants. Sincerely, Chris L. Jensen ================================================== You can also find us on: iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 Twitter at @jokesguy Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com ==================================================

Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

Facts of Life!

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The older you get, the better you realize you were. I doubt, therefore I might be. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Women like silent, they think they're listening. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Age brings wisdom : Its-hilarious

Age brings wisdom : Its-hilarious

Age brings wisdom

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, I don't think you understand, I want something very special. At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000, the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, We'll take it. The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon, he said. Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. There's no money in that account. I know, said the old man, but can you imagine the weekend I had? ================================================== You can also find us on: 1. iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2. Twitter at @jokesguy 3. Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

buy organic vegetables for your wife : Its-hilarious

buy organic vegetables for your wife : Its-hilarious

Organic Vegetables

During a Coffee Break, two men were talking, "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden." said the first man. "So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked. "Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'" The gardener said, "No, you'll have to do that yourself." ================================================== You can also find us on: 1. iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2. Twitter at @jokesguy 3. Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

Returned Unopened

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told these men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned un-opened." ================================================== You can also find us on: 1.     iPhone/iPod/iPad at        http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2.     Twitter at @jokesguy 3.      Facebook at:        http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

Stop irritating me : Its-hilarious

Stop irritating me : Its-hilarious

How to make breakfast

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness! "You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my! "WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! "Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? "Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What's wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." ================================================== You can also find us on: 1. iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2. Twitter at @jokesguy 3. Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193246017362355 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

Marriage quotes : Its-hilarious

Marriage quotes : Its-hilarious

Quotes on marriage

Every man should get married some time after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! - Anonymous Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. - Scottish Proverb I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison Men have a better time than women, for one thing, they marry later for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. Mencken When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. - Anonymous I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" - Anonymous We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. - Anonymous She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. - Anonymous She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." - Anonymous Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs..." - Anonymous If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! - Anonymous

Wishing well : Its-hilarious

Wishing well : Its-hilarious

Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin . The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! " ================================================== You can also find us on: 1. iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2. Twitter at @jokesguy 3. Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193246017362355 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

Its Hilarious - Come on in!!!!!!: Its-hilarious

Its Hilarious - Come on in!!!!!!: Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

Not much of a man , was he?

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a muttering word of protest, the old man gets up from his seat and quietly leaves the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he!" And the waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles!" ================================================== You can also find us on: 1.     iPhone/iPod/iPad at        http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2.     Twitter at @jokesguy 3.      Facebook at:        http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193246017362355 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

A MANAGER'S DILEMA

An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employeewho came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait and see who would leave work the earliest and bothemployees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

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Fried Eggs!

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!" The wife stared at him and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car." You can also find us on: 1.     iPhone/iPod/iPad at        http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 2.     Twitter at @jokesguy 3.      Facebook at:        http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193246017362355 Happy Reading and Joking!!!! Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com

Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious

4 people in a train

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman. It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek. The old lady thinks: "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him." The pretty young blonde thinks: "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him." The Frenchman thinks: "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me." The Englishman thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again."

Difference between COMPLETE and FINISH : Its-hilarious

Difference between COMPLETE and FINISH : Its-hilarious

Its-hilarious and Its-Mad

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