Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Guts or Balls : Its-hilarious
Guts or Balls : Its-hilarious
We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
Haven`t Received a Single Payment. : Its-hilarious
Haven`t Received a Single Payment. : Its-hilarious
A window salesman telephoned his blonde customer.
"Ms. Brown, our company replaced all your windows with triple-glazed models more than a year ago, and we still haven`t received a single payment."
"But,", the blonde protested, "You promised me they would pay for themselves in 12 months."
promiscuous : Its-hilarious
promiscuous : Its-hilarious
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!!
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!!
Women can be very dangerous : Its-hilarious
Women can be very dangerous : Its-hilarious
"The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was
quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the damn chair.'
MORAL:
Women......... Don't mess with them !!!"
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was
quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the damn chair.'
MORAL:
Women......... Don't mess with them !!!"
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Misbehaving in School : Its-hilarious
Misbehaving in School : Its-hilarious
A seven year old boy had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother:
Teacher: I have called you to inform that your son has been misbehaving ever since he resumed school.
Mother: Wait a minute, I had my son here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother:
Teacher: I have called you to inform that your son has been misbehaving ever since he resumed school.
Mother: Wait a minute, I had my son here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
More on:
Messages in Women's Restroom walls : Its-hilarious
Messages in Women's Restroom walls : Its-hilarious
1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.
2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember
3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA
7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC
9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.
10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York
11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor
2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember
3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA
7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC
9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.
10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York
11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor
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54 year old woman's conversation with GOD. : Its-hilarious
54 year old woman's conversation with GOD. : Its-hilarious
| 54 year old woman's conversation with GOD. |
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance ? (You'll love this) God replied: "Sorry! I didn't recognize you!" |
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