Tuesday, January 24, 2012
You have my sympathy : Its-hilarious
You have my sympathy : Its-hilarious
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
"I've found a man just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
some thoughts : Its-hilarious
some thoughts : Its-hilarious
If I rest, I Rust
Success should not go to head and failure should not go to heart.
TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.
Light travels faster then sound... which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.
Happiness is like a butterfly, which when pursued is just beyond your grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly may alight upon you.
There are two kinds of people, those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group, there is less competition there.
The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy.
Success should not go to head and failure should not go to heart.
TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.
Light travels faster then sound... which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.
Happiness is like a butterfly, which when pursued is just beyond your grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly may alight upon you.
There are two kinds of people, those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group, there is less competition there.
The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy.
Makes you wonder - Part 2 : Its-hilarious
Makes you wonder - Part 2 : Its-hilarious
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers?
If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it "breakfast"?
If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? (Richard Lederer)
If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers?
If breaks are meant to be slow... then why do they call it "breakfast"?
If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? (Richard Lederer)
I think you are the father of one of my kids : Its-hilarious
I think you are the father of one of my kids : Its-hilarious
| I think you are the father of one of my kids |
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says: "Hello!" He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?" To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?" She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!" |
Reason for less marriages!!!
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Monday, January 23, 2012
Its-hilarious
Its-hilarious
| MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK - Part 2 |
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, ATandT ...). If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People are always available for work in the past tense. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens thatperson is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. No one gets sick on Wednesdays. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" The longer the title, the less important the job. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure. |
Neither logical not legal : Its-hilarious
Neither logical not legal : Its-hilarious
| Neither logical nor legal |
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A". Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?" Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased. The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment) , all the students immediately raise their hands. "All right" says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer. "It's quite easy, sir" says the student. "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal nor logical !!!!!!" |
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Wishing well : Its-hilarious
Wishing well : Its-hilarious
| Wishing Well |
| A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin . The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! " ================================================== You can also find us on: iPhone/iPod/iPad at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 Twitter at @jokesguy Facebook at: Yours Funny Guy http: www.its-hilarious.com email: funny.guy@its-hilarious.com |
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