1. GETTING INTO FIGHTSThey were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn’t been talking to each other.
Instead, they were giving each other written notes.
One evening he gave her a paper where it said:
“Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am.”
The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o’clock.
Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:
“Wake up, it’s 6 o’clock!”
2. Marriage - A life sentence- Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
- Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
- Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
- Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
- Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
3. SharingA couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded “When we were first married, we came to an agreement to share. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would make all the minor decisions.”
“But do you know what I just realized?”
“In 60 years of marriage I don’t think we have never needed to make a major decision.”.
4. Relatives of yoursA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
5. 0 to 200 in 6 secondsBob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
6. Quotes on marriage- Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison- Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.
--Anonymous- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
--Anonymous- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
--Anonymous- She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Thenthe mud fell off.
--Anonymous- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."
--Anonymous- Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs... .."
--Anonymous- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!
--Anonymous7. My wife's first husband.A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
8. Wishing Well A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! "
