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For the married couples : Its-hilarious
Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband.
"Miss" for one hour and "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!
The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman.
Before Marriage and After Marriage.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In and Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: "MISSING YOU"...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison"
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......
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"Miss" for one hour and "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!
The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman.
Before Marriage and After Marriage.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In and Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: "MISSING YOU"...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison"
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......
More on:
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http://www.its-hilarious.com/
http://itunes.apple.com/us/
Thief spends less than wife : Its-hilarious
A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company,
"Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright."
"Yes," replied the man. "My card was stolen over a month ago." "Why didn't you report your card as stolen?" asked the card companyrepresentative.
The man replied, "Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!"
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"Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright."
"Yes," replied the man. "My card was stolen over a month ago." "Why didn't you report your card as stolen?" asked the card companyrepresentative.
The man replied, "Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!"
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Result of Global Recession : Its-hilarious
Global Recession and Financial Crisis have become so critical and serious now days that……
majority of the men have started loving their own wives!!!!!!
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majority of the men have started loving their own wives!!!!!!
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2nd marriage??? : Its-hilarious
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second Woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the Same offence
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A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the Same offence
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Why Pets Are Better Than Children? : Its-hilarious
| There are many reasons why pets are better than children. Go through the following list and decide for yourself. - Eat less. - Usually come when called. - Are easier to train. - Don't ask for money all the time. - Don't drink or smoke. - Don't hang out with friends who use drugs. - Never ask to drive the car. - Don't have to have the latest fashions. - Don't want to wear your clothes. - Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and - If they get pregnant, you can sell their children | |
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punishment for shoplifting : Its-hilarious
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket. When she went before the judge he asked her, 'What did you steal?'
She replied, 'A can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied that there were six.
The judge said, 'Then I will give you six days in
jail.'
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband stood up,
and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, 'What is it?'
The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'
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She replied, 'A can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied that there were six.
The judge said, 'Then I will give you six days in
jail.'
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband stood up,
and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, 'What is it?'
The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'
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The Lion's Mess : Its-hilarious
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.
Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
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Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
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Fifty bucks wager : Its-hilarious
Ed and his wife Norma go to the state fair every year, and every year Ed would say, " Norma, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Norma always replied, " I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
fifty bucks! "
One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, " Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"
To this, Norma replied, " Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Ed replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out, but you know,
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
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Norma always replied, " I know Ed, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is
fifty bucks! "
One year Ed and Norma went to the fair, and Ed said, " Norma, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"
To this, Norma replied, " Ed, that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks"
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Ed and Norma agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Ed and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Ed replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Norma fell out, but you know,
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
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About Marriage! : Its-hilarious
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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What you see is not what you get : Its-hilarious
Women Friends chatting in office.
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
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Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
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Marriage or jail : Its-hilarious
A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement.
After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
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After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."
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