Saturday, February 4, 2012

How to save your beer on your trip to the rest room : Its-hilarious

How to save your beer on your trip to the rest room : Its-hilarious


A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".

After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"


What can you get for 50 bucks? : Its-hilarious

What can you get for 50 bucks? : Its-hilarious

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.

He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."

Men thoughts before buying!!!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Shitty memorandum : Its-hilarious

Shitty memorandum : Its-hilarious

Shit memorandum
TO: All Employees
FROM: Communications Services
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town. If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.

All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.

If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.)

If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.)

Some of you already display aptitudes that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). Those individuals who do not meet the requirements of The Bureau must first complete Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, Special High Intensity Training (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.)

If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.) program

Thank You.

Boss in General
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G S.H.I.T)

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Real Meaning of words used in performance reviews : Its-hilarious

Real Meaning of words used in performance reviews : Its-hilarious

Have your performance ever been evaluated by your manager? In that case, you might have come across the following terms. These terms have a deeper meaning. Here's what it really means . . .

- Outgoing Personality..........Always going out of the office

- Good Communication Skills.....Spends lots of time on phone

- Average Employee..........Not too bright

- Exceptionally Well Qualified...Made no major blunders... yet

- Work is First Priority.............Too ugly to get a date

- Active Socially........................Drinks a lot

- Family is Active Socially..........Spouse drinks, too

- Independent Worker.......Nobody knows what he/she does

- Quick Thinking...............Offers plausible excuses

- Careful Thinker....................Won't make a decision

- Aggressive.........................Obnoxious

- Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs........Gets someone else to do it

- Expresses Themselves Well.........Speaks English

- Meticulous Attention to Detail........A nit picker

- Has Leadership Qualities......Is tall or has a loud voice

- Exceptionally Good Judgment...........Lucky

- Career Minded.........................Back Stabber

- Loyal........................Can't get a job anywhere else

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Single line wisdom If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal a : Its-hilarious

Single line wisdom

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.

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Why Pets Are Better Than Children? : Its-hilarious

Why Pets Are Better Than Children? : Its-hilarious


- Eat less.

- Usually come when called.

- Are easier to train.

- Don't ask for money all the time.

- Don't drink or smoke.

- Don't hang out with friends who use drugs.

- Never ask to drive the car.

- Don't have to have the latest fashions.

- Don't want to wear your clothes.

- Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

- If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

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Quote of quotes!