Monday, January 30, 2012

Women can be very dangerous : Its-hilarious

Women can be very dangerous : Its-hilarious

"The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was
quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the damn chair.'

MORAL:

Women......... Don't mess with them !!!"

I don't like it!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

10 facts about you!

Misbehaving in School : Its-hilarious

Misbehaving in School : Its-hilarious

A seven year old boy had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother:
Teacher: I have called you to inform that your son has been misbehaving ever since he resumed school.

Mother: Wait a minute, I had my son here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.

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Messages in Women's Restroom walls : Its-hilarious

Messages in Women's Restroom walls : Its-hilarious

1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.

2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember

3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana

5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas

6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA

7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC

9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.

10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York

11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor

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54 year old woman's conversation with GOD. : Its-hilarious

54 year old woman's conversation with GOD. : Its-hilarious

54 year old woman's conversation with GOD.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance ?

(You'll love this)

God replied: "Sorry! I didn't recognize you!"

get married again : Its-hilarious

get married again : Its-hilarious

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner:
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: Definitely not!
Wife: Why not - don't you like being married?
Husband: Of course I do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.
Wife: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
Husband: (makes audible groan)
Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Husband: Where else would we sleep?
Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Husband: She can't use them she's left-handed.
Wife: - - - silence - - -
Husband: sh#t.sh#t.sh#t.....


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Why do men attend weddings!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

what can be worse than this : Its-hilarious

what can be worse than this : Its-hilarious

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet... Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

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Give me a new husband : Its-hilarious

Give me a new husband : Its-hilarious

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

After robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead and asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

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