Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Nobody loves me!!!
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Saturday, March 10, 2012
Shotgun Anniversary : Its-hilarious
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye.
“Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.
He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
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“Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.
He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
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Drunk Driver : Its-hilarious
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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Light attracts insects : Its-hilarious
Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attracting them?
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Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attracting them?
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Before it starts : Its-hilarious
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
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The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."
The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
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He packed his own lunch : Its-hilarious
There were three construction workers and each of them always ate the same thing for lunch.
1st worker : "I'm tired of sandwiches it's always sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!"
2nd worker : "I'm sick of tacos! urgh..."
3rd worker : "Ahh how i hate beans! I eat them everyday!"
The second day it was the same thing for lunch.
1st worker : "If tomorrow I get sandwiches for lunch I'm going to jump from that bridge and kill myself!"
2nd worker : "One more taco and I'm jumping off that bridge and killing myself!"
3rd worker : "Beans again? If there's beans for lunch tomorrow I'm gonna jump from that bridge and kill myself!"
And yes, as always, the next day they had the same thing for lunch. So all of the three men jumped from the bridge and killed themselves.
The wives of the men were really sad and were crying for their husbands.
1st wife : "I would've never packed him sanwiches for lunch if I knew he would do that!"
2nd wife : "I would never had packed him tacos if I knew that would happen!"
3rd wife : "I wouldn't pack him beans if I knew that would happen but I don't get why he did that since he packed his own lunch!"
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1st worker : "I'm tired of sandwiches it's always sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!"
2nd worker : "I'm sick of tacos! urgh..."
3rd worker : "Ahh how i hate beans! I eat them everyday!"
The second day it was the same thing for lunch.
1st worker : "If tomorrow I get sandwiches for lunch I'm going to jump from that bridge and kill myself!"
2nd worker : "One more taco and I'm jumping off that bridge and killing myself!"
3rd worker : "Beans again? If there's beans for lunch tomorrow I'm gonna jump from that bridge and kill myself!"
And yes, as always, the next day they had the same thing for lunch. So all of the three men jumped from the bridge and killed themselves.
The wives of the men were really sad and were crying for their husbands.
1st wife : "I would've never packed him sanwiches for lunch if I knew he would do that!"
2nd wife : "I would never had packed him tacos if I knew that would happen!"
3rd wife : "I wouldn't pack him beans if I knew that would happen but I don't get why he did that since he packed his own lunch!"
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If I have to roll my my own cigarette, so does she : Its-hilarious
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.
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A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.
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should be buried or Cremated? : Its-hilarious
Man receives telegram: Wife dead - should be buried or Cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Who is a Psychiatrist? : Its-hilarious
A qualified person who gives you an expensive and critical analysis about yourself, which your Spouse gives you for free, daily.
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You have my sympathy : Its-hilarious
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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"I've found a man just like father!"
Mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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Wife got ready in 10 minutes : Its-hilarious
Johnny Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me to the train station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river. Look, my suit is still damp. Then I ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
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Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, boss. The wife decided to drive me to the train station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river. Look, my suit is still damp. Then I ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
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Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Understanding Women : Its-hilarious
| Understanding Women |
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?" More on: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 http://www.its-hilarious.com/ http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 |
Who is a successful man and who is a successful woman : Its-hilarious
| Who is a successful man and who is a successful woman |
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. More on: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 http://www.its-hilarious.com/ http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 |
marriage secrets : Its-hilarious
| Secret to a long happy marriage |
An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio sitting with her husband and she says: "I don't know how I could ever live without you" Her husband asks "Is that you or the Wine talking?" She replies " Its me talking to the wine" More on: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 http://www.its-hilarious.com/ http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 |
Water in the carburetor : Its-hilarious
| Water in the carburetor |
My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is." I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor. I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator." "No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted. "OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?" "In the lake!" More on: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 http://www.its-hilarious.com/ http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 |
The break in : Its-hilarious
| The break in | |
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" | |
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Passenger side windbag : Its-hilarious
| Passenger side windbag |
Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture was a Polaroid snapshot of his wife sitting in one of the front seats. Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jim, 'It's got power steering, anti-lock brakes, cruisecontrol and a driver's side air bag. 'Jim squinted at the picture. Having never seen Steve's wife before, he asked, 'Who's that?''Oh, ' said Steve with a grin, 'another feature, my passenger-side wind bag!' More on: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Its-hilariouscom/193947747290918 http://www.its-hilarious.com/ http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/funny-hilarious-jokes/id492166165?ls=1&mt=8 |
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